Jesus once said that whoever puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the kingdom of God (Luke 9:62). My friend Ruth mentioned this verse to me yesterday when we were talking about what God has been doing in our lives. She said that God used this verse to challenge her to keep following the path that God had set out for her and not dwell on past failures.
To be honest, I've never liked this verse too much. It always sounded overly religious to me, like Jesus wanted unreflective, robotic zealots for disciples. Never looking back and plowing straight ahead didn't sound appealing to me, because of the lack of reflectivity involved in such determination. I like reflectivity.
However, after my conversation with Ruth, I began to see the verse in a different light. If you're plowing, you've gotta face forward. Jesus isn't saying that we don't learn from the past or reflect on what we've experienced, he's saying that the Kingdom of God is about straight rows and well-plowed fields. If we're focused on what's behind us, we're plowing crooked.
Recently, I realized that I most often look back as an escape. Life in Mexico is not hard. I don't suffer anything, just distance from loved ones mainly. My job is not enormously stressful or difficult. Things can be stressful at times, but no different than life in the States can be. But still I find myself desiring the "better life" on the other side. Like when my mom cooked my meals for me. Or when I had the freedom to learn new things and reflect deeply at college. Or gazing upon the deep blue of Lake Michigan instead of a dull Parral desert. And having put my hand to the plow, I look back.
I hate falling into this deception, but I do it almost every day: imagining a "better life" somewhere else than the place where God has so faithfully called and equipped me to be right now. And having taken the bait, I rue my "former life" and resent the current one that is brimming with possibility and discovery if I have eyes to see it.
May God make us people of the moment and enable us to bloom where he has planted us.
